Just go easy.
One step at a time.
One slight movement in the direction of gratitude.
So it doesn't overwhelm you.
So you don't feel so lost in the depths of it.
Just one little breath in and breath out that takes you closer to the feeling that you desire but don't feel worthy of right now.
I know when I am stuck in it and someone says "Just think of something that makes you happy" or "you have so much to be grateful for" it sends my mind into a frenzy.
It becomes ful of guilt-ridden thoughts of all the things that should bring me bliss that don't. I think of how I shouldn't be depressed. That it doesn't make sense. That everyone has it worse off than me. That they have real problems. That I'm not entitled to hurt and sadness. That I am weak.
I smile and nod. Thank them for their advice and tell them they are right. I have SO much I should be grateful for.
But in this feeling right now I am not. Gratitude feels like a million miles away.
It feels completely unattainable.
Happiness is not even an emotion I could grasp if it was right in front of me.
So I don't attempt to push my way towards those feelings. Dragging feet that are tired and wary and hurting.
Instead I take ONE small step. And I stop.
Just one step.
That doesn't require much thought or effort. It is achievable. It doesn't feel like a burden on my already scarred mind.
I wake up and think "Oh it's sunny today. That's nice" or I look at my daughter and think "Wow she is such a smart, courageous wee thing".
Or maybe "What a great country this is where I have so many rights and choices". "I am so glad I chose to eat something healthy for lunch today".
Small thoughts. Little things. Events in your day. People. Choices. Beauty. Magic. Smiles.
And keep doing that.
See how in that fraction of time you feel good. Acknowledge it and how you like it. Then carry on with your day.
And without realsing it you are walking in the right direction one thought at a time.
Until you have those feelings more and more often and you are getting closer every day to what felt completely out of your reach.
Gratitude. Love. Fulfillment. Confidence. Peace.
I know right now they might feel foriegn but the power of small movements towards what your heart truly knows you deserve is incomparable.
“Small steps may appear unimpressive, but don't be deceived. They are the means by which perspectives are subtly altered, mountains are gradually scaled, and lives are drastically changed.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich