As we head into the holidays with Christmas and with 2024 just around the corner, I find myself wondering where this year has gone. It has seemed like the longest-quickest year for so many reasons! And I’m finding myself reflecting upon all the things – good and bad – that have happened.
One thing I did notice was that I became more open with the people in my life. I used to find discomfort in telling people about the good things in my life because I was always considerate of the fact that maybe they were having a bad time, or I didn’t want to seem like I was showing off. Equally, I found it difficult to talk about the bad things too. A lot of the time I’d close up, give very few details and move the topic on. I’d use humour and make some jokes to distract from the severity and often minimise my experiences and feelings as a result. Looking back, that was my coping mechanism for when I found myself in tough situations. Especially ones that caused a lot of uncertainty for me.
I realised though that, even with a lot of uncertainty, you can create some stability through the little things. I knew a lot of my situations were going to take several months to change and I didn’t have an exact timeframe of how my world would look. Life can be scary like that. But what I did do to create some stability amongst that uncertainty was to talk to people who had an active role in my life at that point. These were people who I saw regularly, who knew me, and could also sense a change in my attitude and behaviours.
By allowing myself to open up to a couple of people, they gave me the space to talk about what I usually keep in my head. They validated what I continuously doubted, and provided avenues of support – both how they could support me, and how I could support myself. What this did was create trust. I knew, no matter how chaotic things in my life got, how tired I became of life changes, I had people in my professional and personal life who I knew I could count on. Having a support network grounded me.
I think, in some ways, it’s good to acknowledge the bad things (but only when you are ready to). As much as we’d like to sweep them under the rug or push them to the back of the wardrobe, the feelings you have about them will still be there. We need to create a safe space to sit with those feelings.
Perhaps, if you’re finding the holidays hard, you could speak to someone you trust – a family member, a friend, a teacher, support worker, church leader, work colleague – and explain to them how you’re feeling. It doesn’t mean you have to open up about ‘why’ straight away, but sometimes just saying to someone, ‘Hey, I’m feeling upset/tired/frustrated today,’ can make them aware. It just means they can support you in perhaps smaller ways throughout the day or simply be a listening ear. They can help to create that safe space and give some stability as you navigate the uncertainty.
-Lauren
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