The Future is Bright

Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of depression.

A few months ago, when depression was clouding my entire life. My psych nurse suggested that instead of focusing on the negative possibilities in my future, what would it look like if it included the good in this world? Because it does exist. At the time, this concept seemed too big. I thought, ‘How could there be anything good in my future?’

However, there was one afternoon when the dark thoughts became all-encompassing and my psych nurse’s words sprung to mind. I thought, ‘Might as well give it a go, I’ve got nothing to lose.’ So as my fingers typed, my mind changed from dark shades of black and grey to autumnal leaves and fresh grass. The heaviness of wanting to leave this world started to dissipate. I began to think about how beautiful it would be to live this dream of a life. The feelings of hopelessness and dread shrunk, and they met new friends called wonder and resilience.

This is what I wrote: 

The sun streams through my bay window, hitting my computer as I type away on my new novel. Jerry is lying adjacent to my legs in a deep slumber. His soft coat helps me stay focused and calm when my story gets stuck. Little me would be so excited to know I finally have the Cocker Spaniel they always wanted. ‘Bing’ my phone goes off next to me, shifting my focus to a new text. The bright blue screen projects, ‘See you soon.’ My brother and his family are coming over for dinner, followed by a competitive game of ‘Set.’ Last week I bet my sister-in-law, and I’m determined to make it the new normal.

‘Wake up Jerry, we need to get the veggies for Ben,’ I say running my fingers through his white fur. I slide the door open to my green wonderland, filled with every fruit, flower and fern you could ever dream of. Tonight, we need broccoli and tomatoes for the pasta and raspberries for the gooey brownie - it has always been a favourite for Ben and me. As my feet get wrapped in the long grass and the sun warms every inch of my being - I feel content.

What could your future look like?

What makes you feel safe, joyous, or at peace? These feelings might be foreign to you so you could try this instead. Is there someone who you want to be in your future?

Your future may look very different to mine, but it is just as valid and real.

I decided to see if my future would look like my dreams. You can too. You have the strength within you to see another sunset or eat your favourite food. I believe in you.

-Ellen

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