Trigger warning: this piece discusses themes of suicide and suicidal ideation.
I’ve gone through moments where I get tired of life. Tired of feeling so low and suicidal. Tired of putting on a mask to make others think I’m happy.
Often, people don’t talk about the effects after an attempt. The feeling you get when you don’t bounce back into life. The triggers, the frustration, the guilt and the all-consuming pain. How dark and gloomy the world feels. How empty and dissatisfying life feels. The feeling of not knowing how to be alive, how not to let your thoughts overwhelm and consume you, how to find joy and happiness. How do you do life when your thoughts continuously tell you that you shouldn’t be alive? To be completely honest with you, I don’t know the answer right now. I don’t know the next step. I don’t know where to go from here.
But what I do know is how important it is to have a support system and to seek professional help. If you don’t connect or feel heard by a medical professional then please keep seeking help until you find someone who will listen. You deserve the help, you deserve to be seen and heard. Your life matters even if you don’t believe that right now. Please stay, you can do this x.
- Leticia
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